You have no idea how happy you can make me feel don't you? You can make me feel like the happiest girl on earth, so blessed and loved and cared for. All that you can give me, consciously or not, is all I need. I don't ask for anything more. I don't want anything more.

Yet, on the other side of the page I feel like the loneliest girl on the planet. With no one to share the joy with.

恭喜发财 天天开心 你好吗

Work on the eve, rushed home for reunion dinner. Super duper glad to see the squishy gang again. Even went for an impromptu trip at 10pm to Malaysia to play with fireworks and firecrackers, releasing lanterns. It was a day 0 well spent. Daddy Tan wasn't home for CNY this year, making it a little different. This is the first year we're spending Chinese New Year without dad and it sure does feel a little inconvenient without his car although we don't visit people often.

The cousins came over to visit for day 1 and we spent the usual CNY playing Rockband2 and just taking refuge in our room enjoying the air con. Headed over to Andrea's place in the afternoon, got to see her awesome new renovated room and her wall filled with random scribbles! We had a lot of pizza to eat!! Then met mr naval diver for a midnight movie after that.

Spent day 2 pretty much at Yingjie's place. Reunion dinner and blackjack! Won quite a lot for this n00b gambler like me! Roosters are lucky for the year 2012???? I hope my luck will change this year and i'll be happier :')

So far.. so good, i guess.

A little bit of this and that

Last week. Hectic. Work, school, catching up. FT Island and Simple Plan on the same day, busy shopping for CNY clothing (which is another excuse for me to just spend money) and a random Charlie flashing picture at the end.

I want to go places with you, explore the world. Go places we've never been, taste stuff that we've never tasted, experiencing stuff out of the ordinary. I want to fall asleep in your arms, I want to give you little kisses while you're sound asleep, I want to tuck you into bed and hear you breathe right next to me. I want to spend my whole life with you. But I can't.

How do I be happier when you're not here? How can I tell myself I'd be able to find someone that will top everything you've done for me? How can I trust that person wouldn't leave me for the same damn reason without getting my feelings hurt again? How can I trust you when you say it'll be alright, he'll come.. When I don't even trust my own ability?

It's comforting to know you still want to talk to me even when you're so far away. You still bother to text when you can't. But how long would this last? Not for long. When you get used to everything, reassuring me you'd still be there would soon be a chore, then it'll soon be gone, I know. It happens. I'm so afraid, you'll leave like how he did. Abandon me like how he did, and you have to know that feeling sucked. And then every night I have to sleep and wake up trying to feel fine the next morning. Tiring.

I just wish you'd know.... Never mind. It's just my pms, it's tired of playing pretend too.

USS on a Saturday with the boy that is turning into a fish in approximately...... 4 days.  Definitely one of the best days and the worst night of my life. But i hope you had fun! :')