∞

恭喜发财天天开心你好吗

2012-01-25T03:09:00.000+08:00

Work on the eve, rushed home for reunion dinner. Super duper glad to see the squishy gang again. Even went for an impromptu trip at 10pm to Malaysia to play with fireworks and firecrackers, releasing lanterns. It was a day 0 well spent. Daddy Tan wasn't home for CNY this year, making it a little different. This is the first year we're spending Chinese New Year without dad and it sure does feel a little inconvenient without his car although we don't visit people often.

The cousins came over to visit for day 1 and we spent the usual CNY playing Rockband2 and just taking refuge in our room enjoying the air con. Headed over to Andrea's place in the afternoon, got to see her awesome new renovated room and her wall filled with random scribbles! We had a lot of pizza to eat!! Then met mr naval diver for a midnight movie after that.

Spent day 2 pretty much at Yingjie's place. Reunion dinner and blackjack! Won quite a lot for this n00b gambler like me! Roosters are lucky for the year 2012???? I hope my luck will change this year and i'll be happier :')

So far.. so good, i guess.

A little bit of this and that

2012-01-21T02:46:00.000+08:00

Last week. Hectic. Work, school, catching up. FT Island and Simple Plan on the same day, busy shopping for CNY clothing (which is another excuse for me to just spend money) and a random Charlie flashing picture at the end.

2012-01-20T01:34:00.001+08:00

I want to go places with you, explore the world. Go places we've never been, taste stuff that we've never tasted, experiencing stuff out of the ordinary. I want to fall asleep in your arms, I want to give you little kisses while you're sound asleep, I want to tuck you into bed and hear you breathe right next to me. I want to spend my whole life with you. But I can't.

How do I be happier when you're not here? How can I tell myself I'd be able to find someone that will top everything you've done for me? How can I trust that person wouldn't leave me for the same damn reason without getting my feelings hurt again? How can I trust you when you say it'll be alright, he'll come.. When I don't even trust my own ability?

It's comforting to know you still want to talk to me even when you're so far away. You still bother to text when you can't. But how long would this last? Not for long. When you get used to everything, reassuring me you'd still be there would soon be a chore, then it'll soon be gone, I know. It happens. I'm so afraid, you'll leave like how he did. Abandon me like how he did, and you have to know that feeling sucked. And then every night I have to sleep and wake up trying to feel fine the next morning. Tiring.

I just wish you'd know.... Never mind. It's just my pms, it's tired of playing pretend too.

2012-01-12T13:18:00.000+08:00

USS on a Saturday with the boy that is turning into a fish in approximately...... 4 days. Definitely one of the best days and the worst night of my life. But i hope you had fun! :')

2012-01-11T12:27:00.002+08:00

"When I get angry, all I want is you to understand why, NOT agree and say I’m right and you’re wrong. Absolutely no point in me being right when what I want is you not repeating it.

When I go on and on, all I want is you to know how I felt, NOT cos I wanna scold you till I drop dead.

When I assume the worst of you, all I want is you to reassure me you’re not like that, NOT cos I really think that of you.

And in all of the above and whenever I fuck up(and trust me I will), I need you to remember that I love you.

Because I do, I’m still here to fight you.

Because I do, I feel the need for you to know how I feel.

Because I do, I will get upset when you fall short of just how amazing I think you are.

If any of the above is untrue, I wouldn’t be here, asking you to please wait for me to get better for you.

If you could only look past the bullcrap and into my heart, you’d know…

My heart might be all flawed and fucked up, but it’s the only one I had. Now it’s yours."

kaykay.sg

2012-01-10T21:05:00.001+08:00

Hi, future boyfriend. Whoever you are, I hope you come really soon, be my future husband and we can live happily ever after together. Love me, protect me, be my best friend, don't break my heart or my trust, we'd be perfect together.

We can have quiet nights in. Watching chick flicks on the bed sipping hot milo and cuddling with lots of pillows and comfy blankets. We can spend the night listening to John Mayer or whatever sleepytime tracks you like, just laying in bed and talking like how best friends do during sleep overs. We can have pizza all day and sushi delivery at night. I like adventures, we can go on picnics in the garden, mini BBQ session and take the plane together. Spend a day or two away from home. I'd really love to spend a weekend in Bali or Phuket with you, have a good massage, a sunny day on the beach, away from the busy city life. I can bring you shopping in Bangkok and eat till we bloat up like hot air balloons. Travel the world together as we grow really old. We can go on movie dates and late night suppers, spend the night at the beach with the wind blowing in our hairs or just simple walk in the park. We can look at the stars together at night and have heart felt talks, build a fort with all our blankets and pillows together and stay in them till the sun comes out. We can try cooking a storm, baking muffins and cakes and having a really good time just being together.

Future boyfriend, I hope you'll come by really soon, sweep me off my feet, move mountains just to be with me, understand me and love me unconditionally because that's what I really need right now. A friend, a best friend and a person to snuggle with at night, telling me everything is really going to be alright. I'm going to wait patiently for you okay? So don't take too long.

And when writing all these down, all I thought about was doing all these things with you, it's just a pity we couldn't do it. You couldn't.

2012-01-10T09:50:00.000+08:00

We both know its hard.
Deep down inside, we both know somehow this isn't suppose to happen. Tearing ourselves apart trying to not feel, not care and pretend everything is alright. Deep down inside, its not supposed to happen.

2012-01-08T14:40:00.002+08:00

"Don’t know about your world but mine is really kinda chaotic. Often too easy to get caught up in ourselves and our issues to spare a thought for feelings that aren’t our own. Being selfish and full of pride leads to tons of unnecessary fights that are exhausting and pointless. At the end of the day, it’s the love you wanted at the beginning that you still want, so why hurt it just cos you’re too blinded by anger and pride to see that your way isn’t the only route to happiness?

Sometimes we wanna give up or want what we can’t have cos we *think* it’s better than what we do have. We let go way too easily because we think we have options. Our egos assume we deserve better, our selfishness points the blame at others, and our pride refuses to let us reflect and assess if the fault is ours. What people consistently fail to consider is whether we’d be okay if we lost what we have, forever. What if we can never get it back or anything remotely close? What if this is the best we will ever get?"

kaykay.sg

FOW + night out @ Vanessa's place

2012-01-08T13:56:00.000+08:00

2012-01-05T23:54:00.006+08:00

What a great way to start my 2012. Seriously? I just wanted a simple, worry-free year but nooOOooOOo shit happens 5th January. It's only 5 days into 2012 and stuff went wrong. The big guy up there must be testing how far I could go before I leap off the building to my death. But no, this time i'm not going to let the pessimist in me win anymore. Today was supposed to be an awesome Thursday, you know. Had a pretty fun day in school + receiving my test results which was wayyyyy better than what i've expected, everything was perfect. Of course, until that happened. This is by far the worst quarrel we had, even when we're not together. Seriously? Its funny how we still quarrel even when we don't talk to each other much anymore..

I never ever EVER wanted to be on bad terms with you no matter how much of a jerk you are. Because after all you were a part of me once before in my life, do you think I'd have the heart to hate you if we could just understand and communicate better nothing this bad would happen. And of course because a lot of money is on the line, if it was just a simple day out I wouldn't mind but I had it planned for a few days now, of course I'd be upset about it. I'm definitely apologetic for blowing things out of proportion but you can't blame me, If it was you you'd be angry too, won't you? I just hope we're alright now. I don't like to hate and no one likes to be hated.

2012-01-03T20:35:00.001+08:00

2012-01-03T12:20:00.001+08:00

Summary of my 2011

2011-12-29T01:58:00.002+08:00

The year is coming to an end. I don't remember penning so much of my thoughts in this little space, like ever. All i did for this blog was to feed it with pictures of outings with everyone but this year (okay maybe not this year but the end of it) everything started to change. This space of mine became really down and upsetting to read.... I hate it. I hate myself for being such an emotional wreck. I hate myself for being so needy, hate myself for ever giving myself hope.. Hope to trust someone again. Bull shit.

I can't really explain what im feeling like right now? Like a mix of anger and sadness all in one night y'know... that type of feeling? There are nights i just want to cry, nights i just want to party all night.. Just because i trusted you too much, i trusted you to not be like one of them... Okay maybe you're not but you ultimately broke my heart.... into like a thousand million pieces..... and im not even blaming you (yeah right haha) my bad my bad for believing you're different just because i felt so different with you...

Can't really say i can ultimately get over you. I mean, you are the guy that drove me insane... honestly i fell into a short depression phase.. I got so needy and sick and.. i dont know, i wasn't myself anymore. I NEVER GOT SO UPSET BEFORE IN MY LIFE. Not even after my grandma passed away, or seeing my dad cry for the first time.. Crying myself to sleep every freaking night, crying infront of my parents.. all the time.. They got so worried for me they'd ask me what happened.. But i couldn't say.. Friends got so worried. All that just for you..

And i lost my friends. I lost 3 of my closest friends because i couldn't grab hold of myself. Imaging being so heartbroken without anyone to pick you up no one to talk to, to hug you and tell you its going to be fine, no one there, not even your closest friends. IMAGINE THAT. The hurt... i don't want to go back to that ever again... It is so fucked up, i'm only 18, i don't need all these shit happening when i've just turned legal.... and my family apparently had history of depression.. I learnt a lot this year..

After Christmas everything started getting better.. The quackers got back together, slowly rebuilding the friendship we once had. And i'm thankful i decided to help myself up this time. Yeah at times (actually most of the time) i'll be missing you, thinking of you but i know.. Theres no us anymore.. Just because you say so of course. If you think you'll be happier this way then alright i'll give in to you like i always do.. But if you ever say its because you want to see me happy... Um.. no. I was fucking miserable without you and i dont think i'm going to be partying my ass off because i lost you. Nope, it doesn't work that way.

You've given me best days to remember, you've made me the happiest girl i've ever been (i mean happy as in i throw my phone aside just to spend time with you.. yeah i dont really do that on dates.. ignoring my phone..) But this year you've worn me down to my lowest, the point i really wanted to give up. You gave me both best and worst days of my life and you should be proud of it.. At least now you know someone is going to remember you for a long LONG time.. For the good and the bad reasons haha.

I love all my friends, my quackers that have been there for me.. All the way or not, i know i have you guys to count on.. :') Not going to hope 2012 is going to get any better. Im just going to go one step at a time to find myself again..

I'll never have enough questions to ask, words to say to you. But when i see you all i want to do is to give you a hug..... Seriously.. I cant even bring myself to hate you even if i want to.. If i had 1 wish for Christmas i'd tell the genie to erase you off my life. Memories, name, everything. Even the happy memories.. You're too much for me..

2011-12-28T03:52:00.001+08:00

Do you even think about us when you're alone? Think about the memories we've made because that's what we have left. Just memories.

I guess I will never be able to have pizza with you OR Rocher tauhuey, or super awesome bakut teh.. Places you said you'd bring me to.

It's okay.
Is it?

XMAS 2011

2011-12-27T00:43:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas guys!
I had one of the best christmas this year.
With the best company.
Although i got damn drunk and couldn't really remember anything other than kicking people, giggling at everything they say, refusing to sleep on the bed and cried for an hour after i got so gone...
I still had the best time of my life after screwing up 24th night.

Everything shall be smooth sailing... Don't come and titanic my ship now.

2011-12-22T03:31:00.001+08:00

Thanks for giving me a chance to fall asleep in your arms.

This Christmas is going to be the busiest,
and the loneliest.

2011-12-20T15:48:00.001+08:00

Snuggling so tightly and told me not to judge you while you tell me all about your past. But the moment i told you about mine, you judge. You're afraid, i know.

Is it because you feel that you're gonna love me for a very long time and you know its not right because you will never want to be with me. Because of that? Because you will never be able to accept that huge flaw i have when i've accepted all yours. Because you can't be brave enough to do it? Or because you don't love me enough to be able to do it. I've heard so much about you, all the negatives from different people, but after all that nothing has changed. I'm surprised, because i never not like someone else's view affect how i feel, but for you its different.

I told you, he did. If he could, why couldn't you? He loved me, you did too. I will never know, you will never tell. We're going to go around in circles, nothing is going right is it? When we're together you're unhappy, when we're not i'm miserable. There is no end to this. There won't be anyone else, you see. Naive or not, i don't care, but once you had that taste of true happiness, nothing else, no one else will be able to match up to it.

I think i'm going to love you forever. Die alone with 50 cats just because... I love you too much.

2011-12-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

Zirca/rebel night.

Revised log cake

Advanced Christmas party with the girls. Initially we booked a room at Wanderlust but they couldn't accomodate more than 2 people (visitors had to 'check in' and 'check out' + leave before 11pm?). We got a last minute room at The Fullerton Hotel at a pretty cheap price so we spent the night @ Fullerton instead.

I love my girls!

2011-12-17T12:55:00.001+08:00

2011-12-13T19:39:00.001+08:00

You have no idea how much that meant to me. To still see you care, even for the slightest bit. you have no idea how much of a deal you are to me. But we only can be just that, just friends.

2011-12-12T03:57:00.001+08:00

Random instagram shots.

Still breathing.

2011-12-09T03:43:00.001+08:00

Maybe if I'm prettier, smarter, have better personality, be less of a bitch, maybe if I'm not me.. Maybe, it'll turn out better.

2011-12-08T02:14:00.000+08:00

This.

2011-12-05T03:03:00.000+08:00

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

2011-11-29T02:49:00.001+08:00

You can never underestimate how mature a girl's thinking can get. It's scary how childish guys can be even when they're older than you are. The mindset.. It's just not there yet. That's sad. That's really sad.

2011-11-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

All you can say is to ask me to grow up, to move on, to stop being such an attention seeking bitch all the time, asking for sympathy. I'm not. I have my own freedom to express how I feel, if i'm upset i say that i'm upset, i don't like bottling up my feelings. How about you? Have you ever thought that you should be the one growing up instead? Making promises that were meant to be broken. Telling me how much you'd care even if we're not together, assuring that you'll still be here as a friend, so many empty promises you don't keep and you said i should grow up? I've kept to all of my words, when i said i'll be there as a friend, when i said i'll make mac&cheese for you, i did it all. I kept my words. When i promised you i wouldn't hurt myself physically no matter how emotionally hurt i am. I promised. I promised i won't smoke, drink or club when i'm upset, i won't do anything stupid to hurt myself and others, i did. I kept that promise.

But did you keep yours? Telling me you'd be there for me then, you gave up. How about the other promise, do you intend to keep the one promise i requested from you? I don't think so. So who should be the one growing up now? Yes you're older than me and all but i've been through more than what you have in your past 20 years.

And you can't even give me credit for being alive.

I wonder how selfish people can get.

2011-11-22T14:39:00.001+08:00

How long more till I can finally say I'm used to it? When my heart aches, how long more till it learns not to ache any more? How long more must I wait, wait for this to be over? How am I supposed to be okay, how am I supposed to give up on us? How did you give up on us? Teach me.

Have you ever stopped and remember the girl you fell in love with? How she laughed and played and smiled for you, how she fell for you too. Have you felt happy she did? Did you feel that you were the luckiest person in the universe? Did you?

You had everything you wanted but you gave it all up, just because you're unsure about what is going to happen later. You let everything slip away so easily. You said its for her, you want her to be happy, happier without you but what you don't see is how much she needed you, to make her laugh like nobody else could. How could you let her slip away? She was everything you wanted wasn't she?

2011-11-21T11:55:00.000+08:00

I thought i was doing okay, i thought i was able to finally suppress everything, all the questions, all the unhappiness and just, be a friend. But reality check, i'd never only want to be friends with you, i'd never want to ever lose you. I'm afraid if one day, if i explode, you're not going to be there anymore even though you've said you'll be here, forever and always.

So easily said.

Forever and always.

2011-11-19T21:10:00.000+08:00

What if I can't do it? I hate pretending i'm alright with everything when i'm not.

2011-11-14T23:59:00.001+08:00

Remember.
I was never the one that wanted to leave. I never second-doubted the relationship, i trusted everything and i fell. If you want to ever come back after this rough patch, if i could, i would let you back in, just because i love you.

2011-11-14T15:41:00.001+08:00

After midnight I’ll meet you by the seaside in my mind

I could walk a million miles with you by my side

see the glow of the moon dancing through the night

words can’t describe the feelings I hold inside

and after midnight, I come to you in a dream

take my hand and run away to a place you’ve never seen

and we can watch the water such a beautiful sight

we’ll be together after midnight

Please don’t wake me up don’t take me from this place I’d rather be

I don’t know if you can go there, outside of a dream

if I could I would I’d stay there with you, never want to leave

you will always be there with me, holding as I sleep

and after midnight I’ll see you beneath the darkened skies

we can run around in the open chasing fireflies

make a wish upon the stars, forever we’ll be free

'cause I’ve become a part of you and your a part of me

if I lead you, will you follow?

stay right behind me

if I take you, leave your sorrow

stay right behind

if I lead you, will you follow?

stay right behind me

no more worries till tomorrow

no more worries....

2011-11-13T22:01:00.001+08:00

I feel so dead. Sleeping and waking up with a heavy heart. Sometimes I know what I want, I'm determined to put everything behind and walk forward but most of the time I just wanna stay at home and cry my heart out. I don't think I've ever felt so certain about anyone else before, I didn't think it's going to be you who's going to break me into pieces. I thought I was stronger than this, until you made me feel vulnerable again.

It's been incredibly stressful, this whole year. Not just the week. Honestly I don't know what to do anymore, it's like having a midlife crisis at the age of 18. I thought turning 18 is going to be amazing, partying with friends, meeting new friends from Poly and stuff. But everything just fell apart.

I got so let down in the beginning of the year, I was so guarded, I was so alright about meeting new friends, I could be myself. But when school started things changed, I changed. I trust people too much, i bet I got labeled by so many people I can't even count, I felt that I've neglected a lot of my closest friends and we fell out quite a number of times, and then people start to drift apart.

I had so many complicated relationships with so many people I didn't know what I was doing. I disappointed so many people, hurt a number of them too. Then I fell I love, the hardest one I've ever been. I've been with great guys and guys that are complete jerks but this time I was dead serious when I said I really fell in love. To the extend that I did things that I never thought I'd do. But unfortunately things didn't go well, and it killed me. It's still killing me right now.

I fell sick this year. Got hospitalized for 10 days, had fever for 2 weeks, went for scans, had an operation and was under so much pain thought I could endure with you around, but eventually, it didn't happen, I thought it was the lowest point of my life. I lay on the hospital bed that night crying my heart out. I honestly thought I was going to die.

Right now I'm still dealing with reality. I've been having problems with my health, my hair fell so much, every bunch of hair I see on the ground tore me apart. I broke down in the toilet today, it was so heartbreaking and terrifying.. I don't know what to do., I really don't.

I feel so lost, so tired, I feel like giving up on everything, I don't know.. I really don't anymore.

2011-11-13T01:45:00.001+08:00

2011-11-11T01:38:00.001+08:00

When you're so tired but all you want to do is cry your heart out. Soft sobs turn into loud wails, then the exhaustion kicks in, you just sit there with wet tear-stained cheeks, staring into space.

I'm so tired..

x

2011-11-09T11:48:00.001+08:00

Tired

2011-11-09T01:31:00.001+08:00

1am in the morning.

Been laying in bed since 11, tears have been falling since then. I hate myself, I hate myself for everything that happened. I hate the fact that it always boil down to one thing I hate that fact that i didn't have a choice, I couldn't do anything about it. I hate the fact it's gone. I hate the fact that I've let you in, made me vulnerable, I should have seen that coming ages ago. I hate the fact that I couldn't let you go from the start, I hate the fact that I believed, I had a little faith, I trusted you. I hate the fact that even when I knew it wouldn't work out, I still tried, I chased, I've swallowed my pride, apologized, held on to you like you were my lifeline. I hate the fact that after everything I've done, it's still not enough, not enough to let you believe we could have walked a long way.

I hate it.
I hate it when you were nice to me, when you would give me good advices, when we talked till the sun came out, when you hugged me so tightly, when kisses felt so perfect, when you let me play with your hair, your face, when we tickle each other, when you always say I have no ass, when you try whatever ways to stop me from biting your tummy.

I hate it when we had family dinners together, I hate it when you say my pasta tastes good, I hate it when you sing horrendously on the phone, I hate it when you always fart and burp at the most inappropriate times, I hate it when we cuddle so tightly during movies together, I hate it when you buy my favourite ice cream for me, I hate that time when you made me laugh so hard my ice cream fell on the ground. I hate all the yogurts you got me from frolick, I hate it when we sat at the breakwaters chatting all night, betting on the moon, I hate it when you lied to me just to ask about the happiest and saddest days of my 18 years of life. I hate it when you sent me home by bike that night. I hate it when you came to the beach and we spent the whole night fooling around even though the reason you came was not all fun and games in the beginning. I hate it when you came to visit me when I was in the hospital with your curry puff which you ate it in the end, I hate it when you always have your arms around me when we walk which made me feel so uncomfortable. I hate it when I love sitting on the ground and you have to drag me to the chair. I hate it when I was helping you rank up for tetris and you'll always say I'm so proud when it comes to tetris just because you can't beat me. I hate it when you tried to make me watch HIMYM by letting me sit on your lap, I hate it when we fell asleep next to each other, I hate it when you piggy backed me at the park and scared me shitless leaning backwards. I hate it when my mum saw you and knows about you, I hate it when she asks whether the tears were for you.

I hate the times when we webcammed all afternoon with your astroboy bed hair, I hate it when you smile gently with every peck I give you on your lips, I hate how small your fingers are. I hate how you always laugh at my glasses falling off my face. I hate it when you give kisses through the phone and have to wait for mine, i hate it when I have to say "I love you too" before you say yours. I hate the first time you met me after camp, I hate how you bought chocolates and how we talked all night at the bus stop. I hate that heart-thumping first kiss. I hate the long bus ride to the east, i hate how i fed you goreng pisang and how we laughed at the two guys being gays. I hate how you always smell so nice and I hate it when my hair got stained with your smell when I get home and I'll sniff my hair every now and then.

I hate how I'm feeling right now, how up cuddled up in bed drowning myself in all these memories, I hate how puffy my eyes are, how loud I cried, I hate how my head hurts right now and that I have school I don't wish to attend tomorrow. I hate how lonely everything is becoming. I hate how dumb, needy, attention-seeking I am right now. I hate how much my heart hurts.

I hate you. Do you know that? How much I fucking hate you..

No boundaries

2011-11-07T01:58:00.002+08:00

2011-11-02T20:38:00.002+08:00

2011-10-29T23:52:00.002+08:00

2011-10-29T15:37:00.004+08:00

What if the "its gonna be alright"s don't happen at all? Because now i dont think anything is going to be alright. I hate it when every single minor detail get to my head and ruin me slowly.

I'm fucking loving you too much its fucking killing me.

2011-10-23T13:13:00.001+08:00

Everything feels a little better after a long cry, I think I'm gonna dehydrate from all the tears.

Miracle cure

2011-10-17T04:39:00.001+08:00

I'm always over-thinking, creating impossible happy and worst scenarios about us in my head. Then I get worried, upset, overly-sensitive, turning myself into an insecure bitch. Im so frustrated about having to hold myself back so I wouldn't fall in the future, frustrated by the fact I can never be myself if I want to keep you here.

Frustrated by the fact that there's no future for us, and it's all because of me. Living in the present might be joyous right now but how long would all these last?

I think I was never born to be romantically satisfied, so many failed attempts. Maybe I trust people too easily, how gullible. Dad's right, I'm still young but seriously? Who would be able to accept me for who I am? Nobody except for people that are still around. But even I couldn't accept myself.

Maybe it's just the PMS talking but sigh I want to be normal like everyone else is that too much to ask for?

Apparently so.

Last Friday

2011-10-15T16:44:00.002+08:00

Trying to imitate emojis. Guess which? HAHA.

9 pieces of chicken wings, WE FINISHED THEM ALL!

Spent the afternoon with bbg at TCC @ PoMo, shared stories, bitched, took pictures. I miss that girl a lot its been a long time since we had a date just the both of us! Headed over to vivocity after FEP to find the guys for dinner.

I think i'm addicted to chicken wings, can't stop eating them, and i'm slowly gaining weight but my legs are still crazy thin and veiny sigh fuck my laif.

Last dinner we all can have together, we're starting school soon and the rest have O levels! Can't wait for a full reunion i love these people.

Holland holland holland

2011-10-13T13:55:00.002+08:00

Holland V for dinner at EwF with the clique. Ate so much my stomach felt like its gonna burst. Can you believe i even had a cup of Frolick and shared fondue with the guys? My appetite is amazing.

Oh and Steph bb and I both wore mustard cardigans coincidentally! We got stares from people :(

All Time Low!

2011-10-10T14:51:00.000+08:00

Ahem. Stalkerish picture. HEHE.

Polaroid picture which came out too bright.

Homg me. Smiling like normal people should smile.

Sentosa with Shahidah for a short picnic + tanning. We sat at the Southern most end of South east asia and the sun was shining the other side so we had to move, but after we moved the sun got covered up by the clouds :( And the clouds became really heavy and dark and we were SO worried because we had All Time Low to go to and its at freaking Wave House! Open freaking air.

So, it did rain in the end, fucking heavily, our $2.40 shitty raincoats from 7-11 didn't help a bit, we got drenched from head to toe.

BUT

All Time Low was megafuckingawesome! They played songs from Dirty Work, Nothing Personal and So Wrong, Its Right. Danial and his friends came over and joined Shahidah and I so we had more company and crazy jumping!! One of the best concerts i've been to this entire year, and i really needed it, things haven't been going great for the past two months.

Met up with BFAM at Harbourfront and we had Spize for dinner/supper. I think i've been to Spize more times than the hawker center opposite my place hahaha.

Can't wait till they come back for a full-length concert, SHELTERED PLS.

2.

2011-10-05T17:10:00.002+08:00

Tired?

2011-10-05T15:37:00.000+08:00

Date with Lena and Junming, shopped around town the whole day and ended up at Din Tai Fung for dinner. Finally got my craving satisfied, round two on Saturday!

I still want my peach tarts.

T

2011-10-03T18:33:00.003+08:00

My head is holding back but my heart is holding on. I guess when people are damaged inside it takes time to get back up again. It hurts so fucking much but i have no idea what i'm doing. Maybe its just me, maybe i was born from the beginning to see myself suffer.

I thought i was strong enough to walk away but every thing seem to remind me of you and i feel so fucking vulnerable being weak. But i'm too tired to stay strong anymore i just need someone to give me a hug and say its going to be alright and all the living nightmares are going to be over. That simple.

If i knew you're going to be such a significant person in my life i wouldn't have met you. I don't deserve the happiness you gave me, thats why god is punishing me.

I miss you, i really do and it hurts like a mother fucking bitch.

Freedom!

2011-10-03T16:15:00.001+08:00

Dancing @ my bfam's place HAHAHAHA

MAIN PT HERE IS NOT MY PHAT FACE BUT SHAHIDAH'S AWESOME FACE HAHA.

My nose very clean btw no booger dont need to stare.

First time out in a long time, healthy. I was so excited to see everyone out of my hospital gown i went crazy sorry hahaha. Went over to bfam's place and played Dead Island, danced and stuff bfams do then to Spize for dinner.

Bfam got his new camera SWIVEL SCREEN so.. i spammed. HAHA. Ok sorry.
This was like a week ago btw.

XxXx

2011-09-26T22:45:00.001+08:00

Hi.
Plain face, glasses and a scar on my neck that i hope will heal quickly.
I've done nothing during the holidays except for nursing myself back to health.

Inspired

2011-09-10T23:26:00.001+08:00

w34ksh1t

2011-09-10T21:49:00.001+08:00

God, give me one more chance, i'll take good care of myself.
I just want to be healthy again.

☁☁☂☂

2011-09-04T22:57:00.001+08:00

I guess a person can just fight for so long, when its one sided its already a losing battle. After so many ups and downs i've never regretted anything, okay maybe a few things.. But whats done is done and it can't be undone anymore. So we'll just keep the happy memories in the past and move on.. Slowly. All these memories are gonna hurt a lot but i'm going to try to be a stronger person, try to be happy again.

I'm not gonna lie but i'm going to miss your smell and your hugs the most.

I'm tired, i need to love myself more.

☹

2011-09-04T16:03:00.002+08:00

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

I need a lot of smiley faces in here for awhile...

2011-09-02T17:07:00.000+08:00

Back to school for teacher's day, which was actually quite a waste of time since we only sat down in the canteen talking and catching up with random schoolmates. Headed off to town, dinner at spize and i went home while the rest of them met the guys at Vivocity.

Luckily i decided to head home first. I found out i was down with fever the moment i got home :(

Dear John

2011-08-31T00:13:00.001+08:00

Why do people judge when they don't even know you?

.........

Do you think someone would stay like they were 5 years before? When you first met them, everything happy and innocent, no one got hurt no one got called a bitch, and then 5 years later people change and suddenly everyone becomes a bitch.

National day 2011

2011-08-14T01:00:00.000+08:00

Talk about the lowest time in life, yep. This is gonna be it.

2011-08-10T13:35:00.001+08:00

BFAMMM

2011-07-31T16:17:00.000+08:00

Mushrooooooomsssss!!!

Lots and lots of hotdogs! Hehe.

Introduced them to "King of Opera"

They got addicted and we laughed till we got scolded by the RC guy hahahahhaa

This gundoo.

I wanted to give him a hug but he accidentally knocked me in the head w his elbow. Thanks ah.

The guys

The girls

Pix with my bfam:)

++ a few more!

Bingru's annual birthday BBQ!!! Went over to his place and ate a lot of really nice chicken wings, hotdogs and crabstix!!! I love chicken wings and hotdogs! I wish i ate a few more otahs now i feel like having otahs.

Stayed around the BBQ area till like 11.30pm before heading up to his place to sing him a birthday song + birthday cake. Then lay on the sofa till about 1.30am before heading home. Had a great time w all these people! Cant wait till the next mass meet up.

All the assignments and projects, presentations is making me crazy.

Never Say Never

2011-07-26T13:16:00.002+08:00

How

2011-07-24T00:40:00.003+08:00

Random saturday out with the girls!
Too much meat, i think im going to be vegetarian for a week or so.

2011-07-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

Happy 18th birthday, :B

Korean Music Wave 2011

2011-07-20T21:15:00.001+08:00

Theres nothing much to fan-account about this time around. Except for the fact that we had interaction with Jonghun.You can read it here. And um there was once before minhwan entered the lift, he tip-toed over the security guard just to wave and say "Hi~" to us/me? That was about it! Oh and they went to the restaurant at Tiong Bahru for dinner after the concert, so close to home!

Sunset Grill

2011-07-20T21:10:00.000+08:00

Personality test

2011-07-16T20:35:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Whooooaaaa.

Not good

2011-07-06T05:50:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating this space for awhile. Life has been pretty boring. School, common tests and occasional meet-up for dinners with secondary school friends. I'm
Glad we're still tight after we've graduated.

Didn't do that well for my common tests. No wait, I didn't do well at all. The results were pretty demoralizing and I got pretty upset about it. Hopefully I'll do better for the upcoming exam. I really don't want to re-take any modules next semester.

Who said Poly life was easier? I'd do anything to go back and mug for Os.

2011-07-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

Haha my friends like a sho kyute! :B

Nostalgia 2

2011-06-26T14:38:00.000+08:00

Me and the 2 skinny bitches!!!

I iz very jealous of her pair of legs ☹

Met up with the rest of the people after dinner at Spize, headed to Tiong Bahru Park after that to reminisce our secondary school days, especially secondary 1 and 2 where yuting and i always hide to skip netball training hahahahahahaha.

Had a good catching up session with Yuting for the past few days! Take care and study hard when you're back in Taiwan k♥

Universal Studios Singapore!

2011-06-26T01:14:00.000+08:00

On a very very hot Friday afternoon...

With Betty Boob? Hahahahahahahaha

MY ALL TIME FAV RIDE!!!! Battlestar Galatica!!!

Must take photo w Shaohui. MUST. Every single outing, HAHA need to collect.

Because all the restaurants inside were packed like crazy we decided to head out to the beach station to have mcdonalds instead!

BECAUSE WE'RE COOLER THAN THE GUYS HAHAHHAHAA.

BBG ♥

Tsk tsk gheys in action

The amount of people queueing for Shrek 4d!

Me and my potion.... Passion fruit. SUCKEDDDDD. Didn't like the taste of it!

After the jurassic park ride... Drenched even w raincoat!

Group photo!!!!

USS with the clique and Yuting who came back from Taiwan! Spent the whole day in Universal Studios! We didn't complete all of the rides because it was so crowded due to the holidays, so we decided to conquer the thrilling ones!

We took Battlestar Galatica 4 times, revenge of the mummy 2 times and Jurassic Park once! Crazy shit waiting times! Waited 2 hours for the Jurassic park ride but it was so worth it i've always been a fan of dinosaurs... I remember watching the jurassic park movie with my sister when i was young, piling up pillows and blankets and just sitting in the living room watching the movie!!

And i got drenched even though i wore a raincoat. We were all laughing so hard at Jon because the position he sat landed straight into the water first, creating a huge wave over him. IT WAS SO FUNNY he was drenched from head to toe!

Left USS after the fireworks and headed home straight after that because i only had 2 hours of sleep the night before.

I wanna go back to USS to complete the other rides! Oh, and i lost my voice because i screamed throughout the battlestar rides... I think my friends will dream of me screaming hahahahaha.

††††††††

2011-06-24T01:54:00.000+08:00

Hi.
Long time no see.
For the past few days i've been at home nursing my sick body back to health. USS TOMORROW!

Jon's 18th!

2011-06-18T00:33:00.000+08:00

My daily dose of frozen yogurt..... I think i need t open my own store soon. Spending too much $$ on froyo these few days.

SHAHIDAH SAID THIS CHILLI IS MY CHILLI...

Just because im half thai.

HOW CAN LIKE THAT?

XT: Pass me the chilli!

Zoe: You want this chilli or qianhui's chilli?!

-_________- SIGH MY FRIENDS.

HAHAHAHA WTF WTF WTF I K R. R U OK SHAHIDAH?

Haha spastic act cool face

Went to meet these guys for dinner at Mad Jacks??? I was broke so i had prawn mee at home first before heading out. In the end i got soup of the day.... which was i think minestrone some fml here. I paid 5 bux for it ok.

Le sigh.

Anyway had to leave after getting Gongcha from Plaza Sing... I still prefer KOI :( I'm a convert.

Happy 18th birthday Jon yeoooooo!!!!

EwF

2011-06-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

Everything with Fries this thursday night ☺

Fiction

2011-06-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

Omg I AM IN LOVE with SOUR SALLY.
Their froyo tastes almost like Polly Perry's and i really really really miss having polly perry's froyo. :(

2011-06-13T18:03:00.000+08:00

Met up for QP's birthday! It has been a loooong looong time since ive saw him or marcus. Had dinner at popeyes then mini cut-cake session. And i bought a pretty dream catcher from this random store in marina square! Hopefully i wont get nightmares anymore hehe.

You make me shudder.

2011-06-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

MET MY BFAM FOR LUNCHY AT SOUP SPOON. Their crusty pot pie there sucked. Should've just ordered clam chowder. Then again, my tongue piercing haven't completely healed so i can't have clam chowder for like at least 2 weeks.

Went over to Astons to find bbg and jon then headed to the IT fair!!! Went up to find Lena, Junming and Jeremy, passed them gongcha (aww im so sweet ikr) then got my dad's adaptor and went off to Cathay for an impromptu rockband session!

Frolick before heading over to Scape for the mini flea, ended up getting myself a pair of shorts and a necklace while that bitch didn't get anything. Bbg came over for steamboat and h2h over dinner!!

Scuba Diving!

2011-06-09T18:04:00.000+08:00

All the precious things you see underwater, especially little clown fishes! Tioman trip was on the 27th of May, i had lots of fun diving with group 2! It was really exhausting though, 3 dives in a day but the leisure dives really did make up for everything.

And i was sick of Ramly burgers for a week.

2011-06-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.

You are lazy - you dream of a peaceful, calm, uncluttered and uncomplicated life. Your ideal would be to share a permanent base with some person or persons who would be able to demonstrate on-going love, peace and security.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

Paragraph 3.
Word.

9758.) He left bloody scars and bruises on my heart that will never fade or wash away. He fucking ruined me. He's the reason I'm like this. Why I'm so tired and empty and angry and sad and annoyed all the time. I miss the old me. I miss the old us.

2011-06-07T02:18:00.001+08:00

Kungfu Panda!

2011-06-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

Fav thai beef noodles from Golden Mile before meeting the others at somerset! Ended up getting myself a hoody from Uniqlo. :|

Caught Kungfu Panda II! Honestly speaking i'm not that into cartoons/family movies because of the amount of children present. Noise. Noise. But for this i'm alright! We missed the first few minutes of the movie because Lena and I were busy buying Best Fries Forever and Frolick and the rest had to wait for us because I booked the tickets. Woops. Haha. Nevertheless the movie was funny and heart-wrenching at the same time. Sigh is this what they do to cartoons nowadays?

Headed over to Funan for awhile before settling for dinner at Chomp Chomp. Virgin trip there ok you can call me a noob now haha. Had Frolick AGAIN before heading home!

Anyone wanna watch Ladda Land? Hehe. I want to scare myself shitless and never return to Chiang Mai.

Oh.
And i got my cartilage re-pierced.
I must be crazy, im like going on a mini piercing spree.

Smiley!

2011-06-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

HOLIDAYS!

Woohoo!!!!!!
Yes i know right why I AM ALWAYS GETTING BULLIED?

wonderful days

2011-05-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

Ain + my birthday celebration the class threw for us! Shooo shweet! Both Ain and i share the same birthday and jieen's birthday is on the 22nd!

I LUV MY HAIR HERE. The perfect type of messiness!!

Clubroom buds!

I don't need a soul.

2011-05-30T09:20:00.002+08:00

I'm slowly starting to feel like how he did.

Being someone i absolutely hate, i want to hate myself for being like this.
Is it all just in my head or has everything moved too fast?

2011-05-24T22:30:00.002+08:00

Like a get bullied.

Sweet 18th!

2011-05-23T03:23:00.001+08:00

Crap.... he has nicer skin than i do....

Vainboy92

and a hungryboy92.

But my pasta tastes waaaay better. :)

So... this was the last of my 18th birthday!
Don't worry the sushi was fine although a little cui heh. Appreciated all the effort alright ♥♥♥♥♥♥☺

I'm finally 18!!!

2011-05-21T23:26:00.007+08:00

Celebrated my 18th, had 5 different cakes! My classmates, Lena and Junming, my jiejies, the tan family and my lovely girls and guys. I'm really thankful for all the birthday wishes and gifts! Couldn't have thought of a better way to celebrate my birthday! Love from all around♥

Random

2011-05-20T03:38:00.001+08:00

I really really miss home cooked food :(

Timbré

2011-05-17T01:28:00.000+08:00

Timbré with Calvin, Junming, Lena, Kenny, Bradley, Zhongxian and Conghan after school! Had superb Roasted duck pizza, and lots of food! The live band was awesome! Junming and Kenny got a little red after a few drinks! Invaded each other's facebook/twitters and played Kartrider rush! Headed home right after supper/dinner!

Its a stay home Vesak Day tomorrow! Gonna catch up on my sleep!

Sticks and stones

2011-05-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

Last minute plans to head down to Fort Canning for a random photography session. Headed over to The Cathay for frolick hehe and then Bugis street to watch the guys shop. Ended our day at Simlim that night! It was pretty tiring but i had great fun!

First diving pool session today, have i told you guys i'm afraid of deep waters? Imagine me going scuba diving in 2 weeks time! I home i come back alive!

Joy

2011-05-15T00:42:00.001+08:00

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Birthday gurlllll.

The girls!

Celebrated Joy's 18th birthday after school with 17 other people! Dinner at Astons then birthday song at the Esplanade! Its a pity everyone had to leave early because of school, i really miss these people so so much!

And yes short hair for me, until i get sick of it heh.

Mothers Day!

2011-05-08T21:18:00.000+08:00

Happy mothers day to all mums out tharrrrrr :)
Yes my dad loves my fisheye too!

2011-05-07T22:57:00.000+08:00

Today is a good good day!
Got new fisheye lenses, ring flash for fun and dinner at my favourite Ah Yat restaurant.

Yums. Life can't get any better than this.
Actually, it can.

3 weeks.

2011-05-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

Advanced mothers' day celebration for our PT.
Isn't she ccccccccute. She's so tiny awww.

Fusionworld!

2011-05-04T18:33:00.000+08:00

Field trip to Fusion world with CYOT/FT/1B/22!!!!!

Nostalgia.

2011-05-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

Bring me back to the days when everything was just like this. Just the girls and lots of freedom and time to feel, no walls, no nothing. I miss every single one of these girls so much and its so hard for us to meet up anymore because of school, don't forget our USS date that eventually will happen. I'm saving my virgin USS trip for you guys, don't forget alright?

I miss all of you and what i used to be.

Confessions

2011-05-02T04:26:00.000+08:00

Honestly.

I'm afraid of people leaving my life, like how he did. I love everyone present right now and i don't want anything to change. But i can't be this selfish all the time.

FOR '11

2011-04-30T18:47:00.000+08:00

Freshmen Orientation Reunion @ ECP last night! Had a blast with DMIT people, so many people attended and we had a lot to eat even though there was a huge crowd! Thanks to Jason i had many many many hotdogs and satays, heh heh.

Closing midnight people started leaving and the night cycling group went off, i decided to skip night cycling and stayed around the BBQ pit, played card games, listened to ghost stories and had HTHT. Plus i got ice-creammmmmm teehee.

Everyone came back at around 4-5am and we all watched the sun rise together, although some of them were already unconscious on the ground. Cabbed back home with CK, Calvin and Kenny, midway home it rained and i was having too much joy walking under the small umbrella hahaha.

I hope theres another mass gathering like that, it was so funnnn.

Maroon 5!

2011-04-26T19:43:00.001+08:00

Were you guys there?! They were BEYOND awesome, totally didn't regret spending the money for this show! Although we got balcony seats but it was alright, its all about the music and yes they were pretty awesome live! My favourite one has got to be "She will be loved". Definitely.

Some luck i got though. Shan't elaborate, but the concert was too awesome to get affected by little things!

2011-04-23T14:39:00.000+08:00

Omggggg.
So busy with school till i neglected this space. Well actually i'm not that busy with school, just busy generally. Plus, nothing much to blog about since i dont bring my camera to school.

If you ask me, 1st week of school was fine, pretty tiring though, having to wake up early again after 6 months and travelling to school by train (no more taking daddy's car to school T_T). Poly life definitely isn't any easier compared to secondary school life, in fact, i miss secondary school life the moment we finished the last O level paper.

Owellz.

MAROON 5 ON MONDAY AND FOR ON THE 29TH. ^_^

Captain Planet ice-skates!

2011-04-13T19:32:00.024+08:00

Secondary School style HAHA.

Our mum!

Chilled at starbucks for awhile!

Row of Macbook users!

"You never take picture of me! *Pouts*"

Haha poor lady wedged between Dad and Danial!

Dad and daughter! Awww.

Captain planet gathering after our oh-so-boring SPICE training in school! Pity not everyone came. Met the rest in school, had out lunch at FC5 then we made our way to Kallang by train! Waited for Dad there while we debate whether to KBOX or Skate.

We decided to skate in the end and waited till 4.20pm since they had to resurface, so we chilled at Starbucks for awhile. Went up to skate for about 2 hours before leaving the cold place then off to the arcade with Captain Planet!

We played Daytona, Air-hockey and Foolsball as a group, it was super epic and fun! The guys tried Para para on Para para mode and thought it was slow and boring, the next moment they tried Freestyle and died within 5 seconds, hahahaha. After that everyone had their dinner at Burger King and then we splitted ways :)

Had an awesome time with CP! I hope there would be another gathering soon! Now i'm looking forward to the FOR! Night cycling, BBQ and awesome company! Can't wait!

The Script live in Singapore!

2011-04-12T19:02:00.000+08:00

I was there! And that was the night i got my diarrhea. :( But The Script was still as awesome as ever!!!

∞

恭喜发财 天天开心 你好吗